i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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