He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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