just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
