You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
