I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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