i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they need to just BURY HIM!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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