she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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