Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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