I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
