We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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