ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
you never un-have a 4some
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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