I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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