All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
