Soap is not a condiment
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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