She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
