This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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