i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
