New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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