She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dear god my vagina.
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