So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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