hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
