Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
