It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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