you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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