i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
