2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
