No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
