Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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