Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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