We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize