Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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