I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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