The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
