Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
