I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
