Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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