just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
