i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
