they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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