Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
