I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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