I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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