Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
