Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
