there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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