hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
