that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
