I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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