The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
