My nipple is on Facebook.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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