I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
