When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
