girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
