do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize