I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
