whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
