Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
