i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
