I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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