During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
