She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
