I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need a shit load of segways right now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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