if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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