My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
