I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
