lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
