You can't motorboat a personality
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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