That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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