Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
