So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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