i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
