i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
