My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
