Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
