you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
4 words: hood of his car
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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