dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
4 words: hood of his car
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
