I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
