I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
