who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
