Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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