I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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