You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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