there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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