I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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