If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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