You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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