he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
