One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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