I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
