just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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