so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
