i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
