nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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