K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I looked at my own cervix.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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