Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
