...so i touched it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
