I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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