I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
