I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I checked into jail on foursquare
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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